just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
