So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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