Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
