I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
