I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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