Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
