i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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