everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
