Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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