youre lurking in front of me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
