I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
