no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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