You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
