Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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