I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
