The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
