people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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