I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
