I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize