Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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