I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
