i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
