I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm really busy with my period
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