I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
