The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
