Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
