The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
