girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
