Plan B is the new Plan A
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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