I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
