Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
