Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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