...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
