I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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