he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize