I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
