like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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