Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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