Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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