Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
worst night to have a conscience
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
