Barsexuality is the new black.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
