it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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