i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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