Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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