watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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