A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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