you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
