it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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