You don't have asthma, your pregnant
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
