Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
