Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
