Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize