the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
