He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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