It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
