We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
