I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
