If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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