She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
