More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
