doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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