you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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