great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
