bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
