No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
