No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
