I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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