is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
we should paint friendship bongs
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