I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
